


Best Possible Breakup

by Godahl



Series: Genderqueer Sly Cooper Stories [5]
Category: Sly Cooper (Video Games)
Genre: Breakup Fic, Crime Scenes, Crimes & Criminals, Genderqueer Character, Lesbian Character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 07:33:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14539752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Godahl/pseuds/Godahl
Summary: Sly talks with Carmelita over the phone, her being totally unaware they're a thief. Could that come between their relationship, or could something else completely? AU where they know each other before Sly takes up a life of crime, and a couple other things are different that you'll have to read the fic to find out about. This one takes place before the others in my Genderqueer Sly Cooper series.





	Best Possible Breakup

Sly walked down Mount Auburn toward Clifton, cell phone in hand. The church lifted itself to the sky, smelling of coffee, same as always. “I know they’re cheaper than they used to be, but computers are still so expensive! I can’t deal with them.”

“You’re just a cheapskate, Sly!” Carmelita replied, laughing. That day marked their first year of dating.

“Well, I’m careful with my money. I hate spending it, babe.” Sly glanced to the other side of the street. A construction worker walked past in the other direction, putting the latest Android phone in his pocket. Sly looked left, then right, and crossed the street.

“You’re going to die rich in a cardboard box, cutie! You need to spend that work fuel!”

Sly turned toward the construction worker and jogged up to him. The construction worker pulled out a fidget spinner and spun it around. “Carmelita, please, please, please, please, please do not call money that.”

“A-okay by me, honey! I just want you to actually live life, you know? Don’t you want to live life, Sly?”

“I do, Carmelita, I do. I date you, after all!” Sly slowed near the worker and took a sniff. Asphalt. They brushed him with their arm, not getting a reaction, and stuck their hand in his pocket. They left it there a full two seconds. They bumped into the construction worker, pulled out the phone.

“You can’t tell me I’m not an adventurer at heart!” Carmelita laughed.

The construction worker looked Sly in the eye. Sly winked at him. The construction worker blushed and hurried away. Sly slowed down and stuck the Android phone in their side bag. “And a big spender,” they said.

“But I don’t see how you can make a living if you don’t have a computer! How do you apply for jobs?”

“Just walk into the store and ask,” Sly lied. They turned around and looked at the college campus nearby. A crowd formed around the local brewery. Sly approached it.

“I didn’t know that still worked! I tried that once and all the stores I went to just told me to check their website.”

Sly looked around the brewery entrance. Only eight o clock, and people were already preparing for Saturday night parties. They got in line. An elephant student stood in front of them. He had a bulge in his butt pocket. Sly stared at it. “Well, when that happened, I would just write down the URL and check it out at the library. Library cards are free, you know.”

“Oh, I forgot about the library. Not hard to have fun when you have that.”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” Sly laughed, and lurched forward toward the elephant and bumped into his back. The elephant didn’t respond to the jostle, and also didn’t respond to Sly’s hand taking out his wallet. Sly got out of line and left the brewery.

“So where do you work, anyway?”

Sly jogged toward the Starbucks round the corner. “Oh,” they said, “I work in, this office building, as a mail clerk.” They went in the bathroom and looked through the wallet. No cash, only cards.

“Oh. That’s cool. What business?”

Sly got out the bathroom and left the Starbucks. They walked to the convenience store across the street. “Just some IT company. Uh, their name is Milestone Technology,” they lied. They went in the convenience store and leafed through their gift card rack. They pulled out some Amazon cards, and walked to the counter.

“Neat. Just curious,” Carmelita said, “I’m working at Target right now.”

The cashier took the gift cards and scanned them. Sly pulled out the credit card from the elephant’s wallet. They looked at the chip reader and shook it as they inserted the card from the wallet in. It read as an error. Sly took it out, and did the same thing again. “Which Target? I go there sometimes.”

“The one in Westwood. It’s nice.”

“Isn’t Westwood dangerous? Are you okay over there?” The chip didn’t read again. Sly took it out and inserted it at an angle. It read as an error, and told them to just swipe it. They did.

“I grew up in Westwood, and I never had problems. I used to go out and just walk about at 3 in the morning when I was in middle school. No one ever bothered me.”

They scribbled some nonsense on the touch screen and put the wallet away. The cashier gave them their gift cards. “Wild. I’d be too scared to ever try that,” Sly said.

“You would be,” Carmelita replied. She laughed.

“So, like, no one tries robbing the store? You don’t have to worry about getting shot?” Sly left the store and threw the credit card in the trash can outside. They kept the gift cards. Sly walked back toward the Starbucks.

“It’s never happened on my watch. We get a lot of shoplifters, though.”

Sly sat down outside the Starbucks and looked around. A few people sat at tables. One person stared at their laptop. Sly glanced inside the place. Long line. “Wild,” they said, “I bet that’s hard to deal with.”

“No kidding, but I’m actually pretty good at catching them. Security loves me!”

“That’s… cool? What do you look for in shoplifters?” A horse man walked out with a venti frappuccino. He put a wallet in his pocket, and it had some cash sticking out. Sly stared at him, then stood up.

“There’s not a real pattern, sometimes it’s teenage girls, sometimes it’s tough looking guys, sometimes it’s old ladies. You just have to be vigilant!”

Sly followed the horse man. He glanced at Sly, then looked ahead and kept walking. Sly stuck close behind him. “Old ladies? Really? They can be thieves?”

“I guess their idea is since they’re so old, they have nothing to lose, babe,” Carmelita said, “It’s hard to deal with them.”

“No kidding. You sound tired, did you want to talk later?” Sly asked. The horse man stopped at a crosswalk and Sly poked their hand in his pocket and pulled out a wallet with some cash. They walked away, across the other crosswalk, and went off in the other direction.

“Well I am tired, but there was actually something I did want to talk about,” Carmelita said.

Sly walked past a college dorm, and rounded a corner toward the school cafeteria. “Oh?” they said.

“To be honest, Sly, I’ve kind of been thinking of breaking up with you.”

Sly stopped. “Wha… why?” Some students walked past them with open purses. They didn’t spare them a glance.

“Well, if you want the truth Sly, I think I’m gay.”

Sly laughed. They started walking again.

“Don’t laugh, Sly! I’m serious!”

“No, no,” Sly said, “Uh, the truth is, actually, that I’m gay too. I’d been waiting for a good time to tell you.”

“Wait, are you serious? Are you fucking serious?”

Sly stood outside the cafeteria doors and watch the people inside eating. A koala boy inside threw away his food, put a phone in his pocket, and walked out the door. “I am absolutely serious, Carmelita. I like dudes.” Sly followed him.

“That’s… wow, that’s hilarious, actually!”

“Yeah, I hear that closeted gay people tend to hang out together, so if one comes out, a bunch of their friends come out too.” Sly followed behind the koala, a few feet away. The koala paused, but didn’t look back, then kept walking.

“I guess that makes sense! Still funny,” Carmelita laughed.

The koala walked into the music building. Sly bumped into him at the door, pulled out his cell phone with two fingers, and walked past him, hiding the phone from his gaze. “Oh, and Carmelita,” they said, “Guess what?”

“What?” Carmelita asked.

“I’m trans too. Genderqueer, I mean. I’m not even a guy.” Sly walked to the elevator, watched the koala go past, then walked out the door they came in through.

“Uh, if you’re trying to convince me to stay with you, I…”

Sly walked back to the cafeteria, and entered. “Oh, I’m not. I really want to date guys now. I just thought it was a funny coincidence.”

“Oh! Well, that’s fine then. It is funny.”

“Ha, yeah. Yeah. To be honest, I was worried you wouldn’t be accepting. I was worried you’d get mad.” Sly walked to one of the food areas, grabbed a tray, and looked at the hamburgers.

“Oh, no! I never would’ve had a problem with that!”

Sly grabbed a tong and put a hamburger on their plate. They glanced to the side. A cat girl had a tablet sticking out her purse. Sly moved close to her. “I know, I know. I was worried still, though.”

“Yeah, the only people I ever had a real problem with were thieves.”

Sly paused. The cat girl walked away. “Really?” they asked. Sly moved toward the drink stand and got a drink.

“Yeah, I can’t stand thieves. Hate ‘em,” Carmelita said.

“Huh. Didn’t know that.” Sly moved back toward the cat lady. She didn’t glance at them. Sly pulled out her tablet, and stuck it in their back in one clean motion. They walked toward the cashier.

“Yeah. That’s why I love catching shoplifters so much. It gives me satisfaction. I want to be a cop some day.”

Sly paid for their meal and got a seat. “Fancy that. I had no idea.”

“Actually, you sound kind of tired now. Want to talk more about this later?”

“Sure, sure. I have to eat now. I’m hungry.” Sly put a straw in their drink and leaned back.

“Gotcha. See ya!”

“See ya.” Sly hung up, put their phone in their pocket, and started eating. The cat lady walked up to them.

“Excuse me,” she said,” Have you seen an iPad lying on the floor anywhere?”

Sly swallowed their bite. “No,” they said, “I’ve got some Amazon gift cards, though. You can have them for twenty-five dollars each. Buy a new iPad that way. Want them?”


End file.
